Today's post is going to be a lot more sentimental and abstract. I want to share with you some experiences that really affected me in a positive way, and maybe they'll do the same for you. I already know I've had a strong impact on a lot of people in my life, but this time, I was the one impacted. The theme I want you to keep in mind is "reaching out", or "expanding your world" so to speak.

It all started on August 1st, earlier this year...

The sticker

I was out shopping, specifically for a new chair, on the belief I held that our current chair in our computer room was causing some of our arm issues (turns out I was wrong). Well, in the parking lot of the Office Depot, there was this light pole, with a bunch of stickers on it. Most were pretty uninteresting - little logos, a meme cat picture, various expressions, a gun sticker, and so on. But one stood out: a sticker with a cute furry design on it, and a QR code. I was so fascinated, I followed the QR code later that day...

Sure enough, it went to the website of a furry who lives in the area! At the time, we only had one IRL friend, a transfem like us, but she's not a furry. I was waiting for some kind of "catch", like that the sticker was somehow unrelated to the site, or that the owner had some kind of belief that would clash with me. But, I decided to take a chance and reach out, by sending a message on Steam. I also thought that my silly, provocative Steam name would get me an immediate block, but no! They added me back, I explained about the sticker, and to my great surprise, we hit up a conversation.

They live in Houston as well, but farther North than us. They travel a lot for their work - they find broken or abandoned technology, usually old stuff, repair and clean them up, and sell for a profit. It means they travel a lot around Texas, going on frequent road trips with their roommate and partner. To give them names for this story, I'm going to call them Mocha and August respectively.

As I talked to them here and there over the coming weeks, we found a few things we have in common, and a few things we don't. We both find it somewhat difficult to make new, lasting, deep connections, we of course love old tech and games, and we're both queer furries. But also, while we have a lot of health issues and suffer in the Texas heat and sunlight, they love being outside in the sun - and while I tend to stay inside on the PC, Mocha loves to explore, reach new places and try new things. I told myself, surely these differences would mean we can't be friends - but quite the opposite, Mocha seemed interested to learn more about me, and above all, put trust and faith in me and assumed good intentions, and I met them where they were!

As we talked more and more, they alluded to their roommate August being interested in me from what they heard - and eventually we met on Steam as well. The two of them proved to be super nice, kind, caring people, who believe me at my word and put real effort into being my friends. And over time, plans came about. We heard each other speak for the first time in a simple Webfishing game, and not long after, we decided to meet up.

The first meeting

I approached it like a "simple friend thing": this is just me meeting two online friends in person, it's fun and exciting, and it could deepen our initial friendship, but I went into this expecting not much more than deepening our connection. Mocha had said offhand a few times that they'd like to "see if we could be friends", which confused me, as I thought we were already friends - but I came to realize what they meant later. You'll see.

I met them at a park they chose. I hadn't been there before, and it was pretty and relaxing enough for a park - I liked it over the parks closer to where we live. They were sitting on a bench a distance away, near some trees, in a pretty nice looking spot. And thankfully, the temperature had gone down that day, enough for me to sit there with them comfortably. We immediately were pointing out things on each other's outfits, laptop and tech that we all liked, and I felt welcomed already.

As we sat there and chatted, got to know each other, I noticed a few things. None of us were uncomfortable or very hesitant - in fact, they hung on to every word I said, and I did the same. And I noticed the bond these two have. It was like they could act as one unit. It's a little hard to explain, but the point is, I could tell they were very invested emotionally in each other, and were happy to work together, and even to meet me together. The conversation started simple, along the lines of "how have you been?", but gradually shifted to more philosophical, talking about how we all experience the world we live in.

The people who are asleep

This is a belief we discovered we all hold: that most people we've encountered in our lives are "asleep" in a sense. It's like, we can all tell, by trying to connect to people, not only how genuine they are, but whether they have this "fire" inside. And most people don't. Most people we've all encountered are so indifferent, so unpassionate, so uninterested in connecting to others, that all they do is essentially lay on their back and stop fighting the current. They let life take them wherever it will, with little resistance. Whether or not that's a "bad thing" doesn't matter to me, but we all agreed: we don't like talking to this kind of person.

This is something you can just tell by interacting, it's not something logical, it's something emotional - and it's the crux of all of my learning about people's souls up to this point. All four of us - Eir, Sunny, Mocha and August - are fighters. Not physically, but emotionally. We took the cards we were given, and fought to get to where we are. When we connect to others, it's more than just a surface level connection, we expose our very souls to others. And in a way, that's what we expect back - maybe not enough vulnerability to hurt someone else, but honesty, care, love, the kind of traits that make deep bonds happen... because most people out there only care on a logical level, and won't take the time to let someone past their walls.

We talked about this for a while, and about our frustrations with it. Me and Mocha have been burned in the past, "led on" in a sense, by people who at first seemed interested in us, our beliefs, life experiences and beings, but later dropped the ball, showed how short their interest in us actually goes, revealing that all they want is the surface level connections as well. It's my belief that this kind of thinking is reinforced by society being the way it is, in a lot of ways on a lot of layers, and, importantly, there isn't any place to learn about this stuff, so the only ones who manage to kindle a fire in their hearts and fight to make their lives and connections more fulfilling, are usually the ones who had to fight to survive in other ways as well.

And about leaps of faith

I won't go into details on my new friends' personal lives and struggles, but there is one thing I want to bring up here. Six years ago, August, who lived in another state far away, sacrificed everything to move here and live with Mocha... and they are both much happier for it. The fact that August didn't just say they would do it - like "it would be nice to move in with you" - but they actually followed through, did the hard work of packing up their entire livelihood, everything that made their life "stable" up to that point, and move, such an incredible distance, on the promise of love... it could've gone badly. They could've forgotten something at home, or had their car break down, or they could've discovered that life with their partner in person isn't what they hoped it would be. But none of those happened. They took a leap of faith for someone they loved, and were absolutely rewarded for it.

I think this is incredible. It demonstrates not just August's love for Mocha, but Mocha's love for August. If it was anyone else, any of those "sleeping" people, who put up a presentation that they're loving, caring, and full of aspirations, but aren't really ready to do it, then the move would've been a disaster. I believe it's rare to find people you can really expose all of yourself to, and be loved and accepted just how you are. This isn't just about romance, this is about all kinds of relationships to me.

Here's the lesson I kind of want to impart here... be ready to take leaps of faith on people you feel a strong connection to, but also, make sure you aren't putting too much at risk. You need to always have open communication with anyone you meet, manage expectations and be very clear with them, and listen to your heart (or gut, if you prefer). You'll know how you feel about someone as you get to know them more, and it's up to you to take a risk if you think it's worth it - just try to know what you're getting into, first.

Pokémon Black and White

After a while of chatting, the strong winds caused us enough discomfort to pack up and move. And so, impromptu, we went to a Main Event, seeking a place we could chat in a sort of indoor lobby. It turned out to be a mistake, as Main Event is even louder, so we moved to another park... and eventually crashed in the back of our car.

It's about here that Mocha introduced something special to me. After what they've been through, they want to put video games with dear meaning behind them, by making new memories with them, for a kind of closure. I think that's really sweet! Well, they gave me a little gift: a DS cart that works similar to an R4 card, preloaded with Pokémon Black and White (and 2). And they made a request: would I start a playthrough with them and August, all at the same time, to experience a great story and game together, using the multiplayer features along the way like it's still 2011, and help them get some closure on such an important piece of their life?

Of course I said yes! Neither Sunny or I was much of a Pokémon fan, aside from Mystery Dungeon, and I'd always wondered what the appeal of the mainline games is, if I'm just missing something - so I took it on. And there we were, the three of us sitting together in the back of our car with DSes, like little kids. It made me feel so happy, and at peace. And as I started a new game with them, they let my system have the volume with theirs muted, and I was pointing out things I liked... experiencing the game in good faith, something Sunny couldn't have done as a kid, which was wholesome to me, and those two seemed happy about how much I was already liking it.

The idea was we'd gradually progress in the game on our own, and when we meet up (because we're definitely going to meet up more often), we'd trade mons and share progress pictures. "Like a book club!" I commented. And so far, it's been really fun! I found I like the game more than I expected to, and even if I approached some parts of it in an apparently unusual way (I mostly didn't use my starter at all), I was warming up to the overall experience. Mocha even lent me this really pretty hardcopy of the player's strategy guide, which I understand as somewhat rare.

The most interesting and meaningful parts of this happened later on in this story, so now I'm going to skip ahead two days...

Movie night!

This one's a bit shorter: Mocha and August invited me to see a movie with them two days later, on Halloween! I found myself excited, as the movie was a surprise, and since Mocha was going to wear their partial fursuit, I found myself scrapping together a costume. We haven't actually dressed up for Halloween, and enjoyed the spirit of the holiday, in years! I felt like a kid again, in the most positive way!

The movie ended up being Roofman, a recent release based on a true story, about a criminal who's really just a nice guy who wants to see his kids, but is forced away due to circumstance, and falls in love while committing lesser crimes to bring happiness to people he loves. It was a great watch, and honestly, the fact it's based on a true story is incredible, it seems almost storybook like. But the movie ended up having a message: people love you for you and your time, not the gifts, novelties, or luxuries you get them.

In a way, I think this moral does tie to my overall points here, because throughout all of my adventures with Mocha and August, I've always been welcomed as myself, and the fact that I took the time to meet them in person multiple times, and take the time to connect, is what really mattered to them.

We had a great time hanging out, in and out of costume. I saw August help Mocha with their suit, getting everything put on or taken off right, combing their hair once they took off the head, and being helpful in a lot of other mechanical ways. It's clear that August loves being a kind of support Mocha can rely on, I think, and that's a way August expresses their love and care. I found it really charming. We hung out in their car, at a park at night (I forgot my jacket), and chatted more, about people come and gone, and I understood more about Mocha's strife to really connect to someone who feels similar to them. I believe I haven't been burned to the same extent as them, but I've still been burned nonetheless, and I'd like to be there for them.

I parted ways with them that night feeling so uplifted, just like the first time. I was giddy happy, even! Even if a lot of our hangouts were just talking, they're people that I genuinely love to talk to, and the more I get to know about them, the more invested I am. Everything they've done so far has been in the interest of forging a connection, and so far it's going great!

Accommodations, and learning about things you can't relate to

If you know us, you know we have a lot of health problems. It's one of the first things I tell all new friends, to get them on the same page, and it was no different with Mocha and August. They're both able-bodied and have no immediate health concerns, and they had a difficult time understanding our health problems. It led to them being very cautious, especially whenever we'd hug, they'd try not to hurt me. The thing is, I really appreciate the effort! In our life, we were surrounded by many people who wouldn't lift a finger to help. Even something as simple as letting me pick out the food, to respect our food-related issues, is huge!

It's my belief that when you're introduced to something new you can't understand, you should approach it on its level. Give it the time and attention it deserves before you decide how you feel about it. For instance, I was opposed to the idea of exploring, and traveling a lot, on the assumption that we wouldn't enjoy it because our health problems would ruin it. But as I hung out with those two and they took me to all manner of places, I found I really enjoyed not just hanging out at each spot with them, but the travel in between, that transitional period. Traveling is, to me, fantastic, as long as you're with people you love. That's my new investment in the idea.

Mocha and August have learned a lot about our special needs as they hung out with me. They don't need any medication, but were happy to let me bring all of ours, and there were no comments along the lines of "do you really need all of those?" like I've gotten before. Whenever we hugged, they'd be gentle, and I was the one who'd ask to be squeezed tighter. They've expressed to me that, to them, accommodating me wasn't a bother, because it's a learning experience, and now they know a few things about disabled people they didn't before. And I believe that they get something else out of this - in a way, you could say it's like they were putting effort into our relationships, and I was meeting them where they were at every step, joining them on their adventures and finding my own ways to enjoy it.

Contrary to that, I believe there's a fundamental problem in society that has to do with "things you don't understand." I'm going to ramble a bit here, so bear with me.

I recently watched a video about a Dr. Phil lost media social experiment involving bigotry. I was only using it as background noise while I played a game, but I took special notice of something in the experiment. When two different bigots, who hated two different groups, were in a room with a minority (an obese man in this case), they both ganged up on him and bullied him together. I believe there's a reason for this: the root cause of "bigotry" is an ingrained hatred of things you don't understand. I believe people who hate certain groups - like trans people, furries, disabled people, immigrants, and so on - do so because of a very prevalent cultural belief of hating new or unusual things on principle. It's something I associate with "boomer culture". I picture this mindset as a kind of dark cloud that spread over the entire US, over the centuries since it was founded, and this mindset is essentially the mindset of a bully. It sustains itself by feeding on others and putting them down, and a self-righteous ego, and I believe it's also why I've heard that people outside the US picture americans as hateful, spiteful, scornful egomaniacs.

This is an example of the kind of thing I talked to Mocha and August about when we first met in that park, and I'm really happy to say I believe we're all on the same or similar page here. They also have experienced the kind of hate and bullying I described, and so we all get it. Although their life experience has been through much more turmoil than ours, we still stand together on this. I also have this belief that people who've been through some kind of hardship can spark something in them, something like a spirit of rebellion, and people with this spark can connect and band together. I believe it's why most furries aren't judgemental of each other, for instance. And what I'm describing here may as well be the "fire in your heart" I described way before, the reason I believe I bonded with Mocha and August.

Now, it's time for the big focus of this post. Yes, I've already written so much already, but I just have so much to say!

The life-changing road trip

A few nights ago, I got a message from August. They're going on a road trip, from Houston to Austin, and they're inviting me to come! It would start the next day, and we'd stay overnight at a Motel 6. Instead of being like their usual work-related outings (although work would still happen), we'd all be there to have a good time. I was stoked! I agreed immediately, throwing caution to the wind, because these two have already been such a great presence around me, and it genuinely sounded like fun. As usual, they were offering to cover all the costs I'd incur, like for food, snacks, water, and our motel stay. They're really too kind!

I sat in front of our house excitedly playing Pokémon Black in wait for them. They picked me up, and I left without a goodbye to our shitty family (more on that later). We were off, on a 3 hour road trip all the way to Austin, and plenty of time to chat each other up along the way. I can hardly remember any specifics, because we talked about so many things during the road trip in all, but I had an overall fantastic time!

Along the way we talked about the general terrain of Texas. Houston, in all its area, is a very flat place. There's no hills or mountains almost at all, and we all agreed that makes it boring. As we left the city limits, we entered a very long stretch of nothing but farmland. We saw cows, a few ranches or farms, actually very similar to our biological uncle's place, and possibly our maternal grandfather's too. It was so, so dull to me. There's nothing inherently upsetting about it, I guess, besides this notion I have that it reminds me of texas's "country" and "outback" sort of culture, which we really dislike. But as we got closer to Austin, the world around us started to change, suddenly there was hills, small at first but gradually getting bigger. Roads were going up and down slopes, some cutting through mountains and exposing the rocks within. I got some great views out the window at times, seeing from high up just a vast expanse of trees in every direction as far as I could see, littered with fancy houses here and there. I didn't even know it was possible, but after long enough, we'd changed altitude so much that all our ears started popping! Austin is actually higher up than Houston! If you couldn't tell, I greatly enjoyed the landscape not being flat.

The first place we stopped was this quaint little park, where, as soon as we stepped out, it was silent, like perfectly still, no cars, no machine humming, no wildlife, nothing. I loved it. There was a cute little plaza area, but we all trekked through the little nature trail it had, and I discovered that houstonians really aren't prepared to deal with slopes. On the other side was a big expanse with a big lake, right next to some big commercial boat place, which kinda ruined the view.

But while August and Mocha were exploring the nature and commenting about the park, I was absolutely melting. I couldn't tell if it was the heat, or exhaustion from the short hike, but I was just about at my physical limit, I could feel dysautonomia kicking in, and I had to take a rest at a bench (thankfully they stayed with me), and go back to the car for something to drink. In both cases, I rested in the shade. This turned out to be important later.

Mocha found a cute little rock that'd been painted rainbow with a ":3" drawn on it. They posed it and took some photos with it and an umbreon plushie. Mocha is learning photography, for fun, to see if they like it, and honestly they're really good at it, and will break off from the group for better photo spots as soon as they see them. We had a chat about how nice it is that Mocha found this rock someone left - neither the rock's painter nor Mocha might meet, but Mocha was delighted to be able to make something new out of a little seed of joy someone else left behind. The kind of mentality Mocha expressed is cute to me, and I liked listening to them talk about it.

We picked up a pizza - they let me pick all the settings on the order, to respect our ARFID, and I'm so grateful they did - and went to a sculpture park in Bee Cave to enjoy it. We accidentally ate it at a little table and chairs setup that was part of a sculpture! The art was pretty nice and unusual, and at first made me feel guilty that I wasn't "enjoying it correctly", but I decided that I was enjoying it correctly, since art and its value is subjective. I enjoyed strolling around with those two, especially cause we were in the shade, though the umbrella helped massively.

Cozy motel evening

It'd already been such a nice day, and as it got a bit late (the sun is setting early here right now), August took us to the Motel 6 we'd be staying at. I loved watching the outside change so much, as we went from more suburb-like areas to highways to a place that's not quite a "downtown" but definitely more of a "city" than where we live. We took the time to shower, brush our teeth, and relax after a long day. We all played Pokémon Black and White together, using the local multiplayer features for fun, and Mocha cleaned our DSi for free! They also gave back our Pokéwalker I'd asked them to replace the battery in, they left a gift in the form of a Flareon on it, and we put on a back case with a clip so I could wear it as an accessory.

The motel room was so nice, actually, even if the pillows were a bit stiff and there was no shampoo. It served all our needs just fine, and felt quite clean and pleasant. I happened to have an HDMI cable I brought, and with some finagling, we hooked up Mocha's laptop to the TV and watched anime (Senko-san) and a movie (Hot Wheels World Race, which triggered many buried memories, as Sunny loved it as a kid!). They were grateful I took the interest to engage with the anime and movie they chose, and we got ready to head to bed. I was very anxious about how the sleep would go, but to my great joy, somehow I slept like a baby! I drifted off very easily, and not only were my dreams vivid, my sleep was restful, and I woke up in good spirits! I don't know how it happened, I believe it's because my mood was so much better than at home, and it wasn't in the darkness-covered abuse home we live in. Mocha said they have a similar experience, sleeping much better in Motel 6s than their own place.

Online presence, and attracting new friends

The next morning, after I got up, Mocha inquired for some help setting up a website like some of the other cool furries have. I tried to explain, but Mocha isn't a programmer, so it came as a kind of information overload to them - I just told them we can figure it out after the trip. More important to me, one of the examples Mocha showed was of another furry they met through their stickers, who also lives in Houston I believe, and I immediately wanted to meet them. After all, I met Mocha by taking a leap of faith, and I've greatly enjoyed all my experiences with them so far, so why not?

Mocha said something this day that stuck with me. They've spent years chasing after potential new friends, who seemed like they'd have depth to them, only to be disappointed. But after they created their fursona Mocha just a year ago, and started expressing themself much more strongly, they've let new friends come to them because they're pulled in by Mocha's spirit. They said something like, "If you want butterflies to come to you, don't use a net, build a garden". I actually relate a whole lot to this sentiment, especially because, over the last decade, this is exactly what I've been doing! On a much smaller scale, and on Discord only, mind you, but still - having a strong personality and presentation that shines through can make people interested in you first.

We explored downtown for a while, and I saw a bit of how people here live. I feel anxious and uneasy in a place like this, not to mention all the sounds, and obnoxious truck drivers mashing their horn. We talked about whether it'll be like this when we move to Brooklyn, but from the street view I saw, I reassured myself it won't be like this. After a bit of exploring, we headed to another park somewhere, since we could kill some time until we had to return to Houston.

Reconsidering

Since the end of the first day, I'd had something on my mind I didn't have the words to express. I think I came about this all wrong. My interest in Mocha changed over time. At first, I just wanted a friend, maybe an IRL friend like our one other one, who we could visit sometimes, hang out with, shoot the shit, and hopefully get into the deep stuff and support each other emotionally. I believe Mocha wants something like this too, but it might not be from me, or we might still need a long time together to start to feel closer. In other words, I think I might've moved too fast at first, and despite my feelings and my soul wanting to be closer to them, I got this strong inclination that I need to take a step back, take it slow, and try to understand more and more of them first. Oh and, this has nothing to do with romance, we both are "demi" in our friendships, and value emotional connections and bonds strongly. It's how I am with my "girlfriend" too.

At one point, we ventured to the capitol, and walked through a little memorial park around it, with some statues and plaques and such. I was beginning to express something - my belief that had been built up for a long time that a lot of american iconography is egotistical or scornful, and my disdain for patriotism. But Mocha made me take a step back, as we discovered that these monuments and spots weren't made to praise and worship america, they were here to honor those who've fallen, the hundreds and thousands of people who fought their own battles, and died doing so, so we had the freedom today to wear a goth fit or a fursuit in public. I guess I got taken out of it a bit, and mentally noted that I'll have to unpack this later, this idea that my own preconceptions and dislikes, this darkness cloud I perceive above anything "american", can make me miss out on some nice things, or even be disrespectful. I hadn't thought about the idea of "respect" in a long time, especially towards the fallen, because I've been led to focus on only myself and the people in my life and around me. And while I don't think that's a "bad" thing, I think Mocha's intent was clear: count your blessings. I came back to this a few times later.

Later on, we went to another park somewhere - it was just a hiking trail, and we had a lot to talk about, so we stayed in the car. Mocha expressed concern about our plan to move to Brooklyn, because they were previously thrown into chaos from a personal event in their life, and don't want the same to happen to me. I went into detail about the plan: the health insurance our uncle could get us on, the price of rent vs his salary, the fact it's a quiet neighborhood and he has a soundproofing expert on call. They seemed impressed and happy that I thought that far ahead, and believe that the plan just has to happen.

We also started talking spirituality. For the record, we're atheist, but in the sense that, while I don't believe there is a god, I'm willing to be proven wrong, and I won't disrespect others' beliefs, as long as they're being respectful too. We spoke of "seeing signs" - August considered getting a racing variant of their current car, and suddenly started seeing racing model cars everywhere. I had a moment of realization, and shared that ever since the Brooklyn plan was put together, I've been hearing references to New York or Brooklyn in other places - once in Roofman, which we watched together last week, in fact, and again by a car mechanic I saw over the weekend. We also spoke of, more abstractly, what we see and feel when we "connect" to somebody and their soul, and how we can get to know them. I was actually very happy to discuss these things, because I believe these extrasensory experiences should be respected and followed to their conclusion, and I get those too!

A few disagreements

So, later on, we went to a different park - a real one this time - and explored a bit. August went back to the car, and Mocha suggested something I could do at home: go to the backyard barefoot, to kind of connect with the earth and nature. It's something important to them, and to their grounded personality. Now, for reasons I can't fully explain, my brain was immediately shouting "no" to the idea. It's really a multi-layered problem, some of it childhood experience, some of it physical and medical, and some of it autism-related, but multiple areas in our brain are strongly against going barefoot if we can help it. I respected it being important to Mocha, and tried to express my piece, but Mocha spoke back of their belief of trying something new at least once to see if you like it. It wasn't their intent, but saying that then made me feel as if I was being forced into it. We had a disagreement over it, and after Mocha left and August came back, I came to them for help. In the end, we all made up - I think the problem was some communication barriers between our autism and the way Mocha can speak sometimes, but there was no ill intent. We hugged it out.

After that, we went on our way back to Houston, picking up food along the way. I rambled about Mob Psycho 100 and overwhelmed them a bit, but that's just the autism experience. But more importantly, at one point I was complaining about the abuse situation at home. I'd already done so quite a bit, and they'd supported me so far, but this time they stopped me. Mocha expressed that the story is one-sided and they can't pass judgement on our mother without meeting her. It really surprised me. I'm aware I've had a problem with "over-venting" for a long time now. There's been a few times in the past people have had to stop me, and I understood this as being the same as that. Still, their wording surprised me a bit. One-sided? That's a problem inherent to abuse situations, especially narcissism like what our mother does - they put on a performance in front of guests, family friends, strangers, to appear as if there's no abuse, but the real problems are what happens behind closed doors. In other words, if hypothetically Mocha met our mother, they wouldn't see any of the stuff I've complained about, and might even believe her.

I think I understand where they're coming from though. They haven't experienced the full breadth of what we've been through, so they don't understand what it's like yet, and understandably want to be fair. I like that, cause if I was complaining about something else, like online friend drama, it's a reasonable approach. For the time being, I stopped complaining about it beyond what was necessary. I also understand that complaining about it so much must've worn them out or set off some red flags. What I want to express to them, if possible, is that the reason I complain about it so much is because of some deep seated need to have our experience be understood and believed, and in a case like this, the damage that was done is so severe as to color our entire experience of the world. It's like trying to hold up a giant boulder, in a way, and trying to express all the ways the boulder is hurting me... except that all my friends can do is listen, they can't help with the boulder. That's something I still have trouble with, and I hope after we move to Brooklyn, I can learn to leave this mindset.

So, that's most of the important stuff I wanted to share from the trip. While we had a lot of fun in the material realm, walking and climbing and exploring the environment, what mattered to me most is the relationships we were building. One of the biggest ideas we keep discussing is the impact of one person on others. Mocha and August are really cool, and try to be excellent to people they like, and for sure, they've given me a lot to think about, and a lot of feelings. They don't have to be perfect, and they're not at all concerned with not being good enough, because they know they're good enough, and they know their worth to others. I feel a kinship with Mocha in a lot of ways, beliefs, social experiences especially, and I feel like I could end up like them, in such a positive place and so kind to their friends. Becoming an emotional person and valuing connection above all else really was the right move for me.