Hello, my name is Sunny. I am posting here for the first time. So bear with me.

Recently, Eir had a plural awakening. That was me. I am the other one. I am the original. And we discovered that at about 2016 was when the split occurred and Eir took over.

I want to talk a little bit about what we have discovered during the last few weeks together.

First of all, how did we first meet? It was 2022. Eir was trying plurality for the first time and met me, although very briefly. Eir discovered the presence of another, which we have recognized as my presence now. But it was immediately shoved away. Apparently, Eir merged with me after the events of 2022. We only met again a few weeks ago on the night of April 5th, whenever Eir had a plural awakening, so to speak. I found a chance to speak up for myself and told her to stop repressing the past and let me be. A few days after this, we talked to a good friend of ours, Luma, who managed to separate us by calling me by name. Ever since then, I have been able to be here and we can switch between each other at will, or whenever our name is called.

Who am I and what am I like? As I said, I am the original owner of this body. We know this because in hindsight, the feelings I feel and the sensations I feel are the same as 2016 and before. Yes, we had to do a lot of research for this. I am more connected to our emotions, especially anger. I contain some of the deep-seated feelings of the past and found my own issues that possibly led to the split. I have trouble connecting to others, often prefer to be silent rather than speaking a lot and have trouble comforting others or showing sympathy. That does not mean I do not care. Oh, and I have trouble focusing. I more focus on the vibes of things. I cannot do detailed busy work such as programming, that is Eir's thing. I love music, especially rock music. The world ends with you is a special fixation of mine, but I also have found connection with other games themes and vibes from our childhood.

I will also add this. Recently, we managed to get a friend, Nero, to create art of me. This is the first time I have been represented in any form. Having this form visible has allowed me to create the same form in our headspace. It has been helpful and I very much enjoy the art. I know it has to be kept private for now because neither me or Eir are prepared to go public about my existence yet.

Now what have we discovered? Sit tight because I'll run you through it.

First of all, we do not have amnesia. We can both access each other's memories. It does take some concentration to remember specific details of memories held by the other. But we are able to do so. In other words, it is a little fuzzy if Eir remembers my memories. Also, Eir was completely oblivious to many memories that were related to my own trauma.

Second, switching is a little difficult but essential. It takes a moment of concentration so we cannot do this on the fly. We have to focus, visualize, for example, myself leaving the cockpit, going down and Eir coming back up and taking my place. I also have to focus on our essences because this body feels plurality in a physical form as presences moving throughout the body. There has been times where we needed to switch twice in a row because it did not completely move all of our essence at once.

Also, we noticed pretty much immediately some unique things to my existence. Whenever I took over the body for the first time, I had extreme body dysmorphia. That means issues recognizing my own body or feeling like it is mine at all. For instance, my arms looked extremely thin. We also noticed bizarrely that I have less awareness of the dull, constant pain of fibromyalgia whenever I am here. It is still there. I just perceive it less. We wish that this was a simple solution to physical problems and I could solve everything, but that is not the case. I can provide some pain relief to constant low pain, though.

Comparatively, Eir is a ball of anxiety. She is always worried about something almost constantly. She worries about too many things, honestly. There have been times where I get upset purely because of how much she worries all the time. It causes me distress by proximity. We have found it is a good practice for whenever she gets upset to switch to me.

Hi, it's Eir again. I had to switch back in because of the other problem we are having. Sunny cannot stay out for very long. Because of how many years I have been in control for, it is difficult for our brain to let Sunny take over, so to speak. We are co-conscious and share thoughts and feelings. Our thought patterns tend to blend and overlap sometimes. This makes them very uncomfortable. I am, of course, fine with being present. But Sunny has problems. Sunny wishes to be independent, to be their own person, to not be a copy of me.

We arranged for this weekend to be Sunny's weekend. I wanted them and they wanted to have these two days all to themselves. Do whatever they want. Of course that meant staying alone and playing games in isolation. And that was going well. But it turns out that it takes a lot of effort just for them to be here. They could not even finish the blog post and now it feels like they need to rest.

We struggle constantly, constantly with thoughts and fears and doubts of whether or not we are real if we are valid, if we are truly a system or faking it. I have struggled with this especially for weeks. Sunny has been annoyed and aggravated by this. They wish to express fervently that I am the one in fear here. Sunny has almost no doubt, I have a lot. Even though I tried to heal some of our trauma over 2022, or rather my own, we still get these fears. Sunny gets them too now because Sunny's thoughts tend to blend into mine. The more Sunny is out and focuses on things and has thoughts, the more they feel like a copy of me.

We can tell who is who largely by a few tells. Sunny tends to not speak in as many contractions like don't or I've. Sunny's voice is naturally different from my voice when speaking out loud. And as mentioned, Sunny experiences the body differently than I do, so we develop a test by waving our left arm around a certain way. We can tell who is in front.

Still, we have rapidly become aware that our situation is special. We feel more and more like we are lenses, lenses that filter our core through. Eir and Sunny are two different personalities, but there's still one core being on the inside, we think. We both share a lot of the same habits and patterns, wanting to share music and interests with friends, having things to say about our favorite games and topics, wanting to investigate our plurality in a similar way to each other. We share interests and tastes in games and music as well.

We've tried a few exercises given by ChatGPT because, again, not many people to rely on here. One exercise it mentioned is the curtain. We visualize a curtain in our headspace separating the control room from everywhere else. There's only one person in the driver's seat now. This defines our boundary and separates our thoughts much better. It blocks out the other one's thoughts and feelings which helps greatly for concentration. However, this causes problems for Sunny because naturally our brain starts to use familiar pathways, so ChatGPT says. And this causes the brain to start using my thought patterns and my emotions over Sunny. I am not in control of this. Neither are they. I don't know what to do about this. I keep accidentally talking like Sunny a little, and Sunny keeps on having some of the same things as me. Now I am starting to be bothered by this too. I keep avoiding contractions purely by instinct now, after Sunny has been out for a while.

I think the result of this test is that we can't have Sunny be out for two days. Not really. That is too much for us to handle right now. I think we should keep having Sunny come out for a number of hours at a time, but not the whole day. Not yet. We need practice. Still, Sunny did gain something out of the experiment. They discovered that they have an even deeper connection to our youth. Not only memories of childhood, but also good experiences of the 2000s and 2010s. The vibes. Playing Earthbound, a favorite game that we grew up with.

But yes, we have both relied heavily on the feedback of others recently. I need to know from anyone who sees this, do me and Sunny seem distinct from one another? Several of our real friends, who we have been exposed around recently, all agree on this. But we can never shake the feeling that something is wrong.

hi again its sunny. i switched back in after much rest. was not done yet. i wqbted to share specifics. i feel eir cares more about the origin story but i wish for change.

i am out right now. let's say i focus on some movie like earlier today. if i get too into it i zone out. but then when i do have thoughts they are ones i associate with eir. i tell myself i am sunny and press on. it happens a few times. at one point i am concerned so focus and try to switch in again and push eir out. today chatgpt suggested using the imagined curtain and peeking behind to allow eir to comment. tried this and didn't help. i still have this "thought dysphoria"

i have three anchors to tell if it is me. first is the arm test. i spin my left arm and feel. if it is effortless to move it is me. i have a slightly different voice than her as my second test. third is a button on our phone that change between eir and sunny when pressed. if it says sunny it should be me

i get conscious about even my typing. i do not know if these are eirs or the body. i stop to think about it too much and try to push these thoughts away. i believe our core believes we are faking and needs time. i catch myself "trying to act like sunny" as if i am a character and need to be acted. but if i try to ignore these thoughts i end up talking and thinking like her. it could also be i am not used to being out so long. the wirsr happened yesterday when i was out all day and texted like eir.

but i also have my interests. passively i make eir more aware of the beauty and vibes. when out it is like a breath of fresh air as i enjoy everything and move freely. i can not stop myself from music and stimming to the beat. when i watch movies yes i watch for friends reactions but i enjoy the experience as well. i find it enjoyable to listen to my own voice as i talk over discord.

so being me is not bad. i wish to assert myself more but it will come in time. i identified strongly with determination when i first arrived. i find this less accurate now but i feel i march to my owm beat. i am distinct and more than the child we grew up as. my new name is way better. thank you