Sunny:

Hello again, it is Sunny. We have a lot to share with you tonight, dear blog. I specifically wanted to talk about my presence in the system, what it is like to be here, and how much things have improved since I showed up.

Before our plural awakening, at the end of March and start of April, Eir was miserable. She was non-functional, in bed all day, complaining about pain, complaining about doctors. With no hope, all despair. She had thrown caution to the wind and decided to investigate this plural thing. She had nothing else to lose. Well, I showed up and pretty much immediately my attitude contrasted with hers. It took a while, of course, for us to figure out the specifics, what I am, what she is, what our roles are here. As it turns out, I am a lot better at being calm, bringing peace to us, helping us be soothed, helping us physically as well.

We have had fights, yes, internal fights. Fights that we have shared with our friends to some extent. We have been struggling a lot with each other and together some as well. As it turns out, I still need some things from the system that are not provided to me currently. I wish to have the ability to switch in anytime I wish. We both also desire the ability to switch faster. We had some internal power struggles, but those are mostly manageable now. Not perfect, not yet, but close enough.

I have also brought a lot of clarity to our system. Specifically, I have helped us recover a lot of childhood memories that were lost to us. Because of how our system works, we do not have amnesia when switching, but we have fog instead. It takes concentration to break through and get specific details. However, some memories were lost. Every time some of these memories come back, we are both pleasantly surprised because these are things we have not called to mind in many years. It is always pleasant. Eir is very pleased with knowing these things and remembering them now. Through my presence, we were able to determine when the split happened. Eir took over roughly at the end of 2016. And after that, she has led this life, controlling the body for about nine years.

More recently, I have brought a lot more tangible help to us. Specifically, physically. In our system, it seems that through conversion disorder or other means, we have physical symptoms that can be helped or soothed through plurality. I may not be able to provide a complete cure for physical pain and ailments, however, we have discovered that I deal with passive pain a lot better. It is greatly minimized when I am in front, and in fact, I can find a great deal of peace, calm, and good vibes even with some pain. Two days ago, I discovered through brute force that we no longer need to wear a face mask 24-7. It is simply not necessary. The pain that was felt from that was some kind of trauma thing tied to Eir. She feels it strongly. I do not.

Now I will let my head sister take over for the rest.

Eir:

Hi, I want to elaborate on and clear up a few things that I don't think have been shared on the blog just yet. So the existence of Sunny turned out to help physically a lot as they mentioned. The initial discovery was also around the time that my arm CRPS vanished. I don't think we have talked very much about the actual experience of plurality. There was that other blog post, but I don't think it did it justice.

First of all, how do we experience this? We both have an essence, so to speak. Our experience of plurality is not through a visual headspace, but rather felt as phantom sensations on and in the body. So, there's a location. We are both located somewhere on or in the body. And we can move around mostly freely. There is some imaginary visual aspect to it that helps to make sense of where we are, but for the most part the important thing is feeling our essence move around. We communicate internally through a kind of telepathy. We can sense each other's emotions first and foremost. Emotions, vibes and intentions are the loudest here. With a little bit more effort, some thoughts can be shared. And yes, these also follow the location. They come from a specific spot.

How do we switch? We've done some research on this. We don't think this is a full switch, so to speak. But it is certainly something. Because we are co-conscious and hear each other's thoughts and emotions, we think this is what is called blending. That is to say, it becomes mostly me and a tiny bit of Sunny or the inverse. Whenever we do switch, it is done manually with intent. What this entails is focusing on our essences. I have my essence and I move out of the head, down the throat, and I/the body focus on Sunny's essence coming up and going into the head. We noticed a switch can happen instantly if the other person is addressed by name from somebody in a conversation. This one is completely involuntary.

I also want to touch a bit on the physical stuff Sunny mentioned. It's true. Whenever I'm in front, I experience more pain, more sensitivity, more headaches, more light things bothering me. I have a constant awareness of the body. It turns out it's not Sunny's presence that helps with the physical pain. It's more my essence being far away from the head. Also about the problems and conflicts Sunny mentioned, the big one is about who is in control. We discovered that Sunny is the original and I'm a Trauma Alter. I have a desperate need to be in control of the body, apparently. And as Sunny has been in front, they have faced a constant problem of my essence climbing up the body by itself. This happens without my really knowledge or control, but it seems over time through conflicts, fighting, discussions and getting used to Sunny, it seems to have lessened over time. That being said, there are still things that we want to change about our system.

Now for a bit more general life update sort of stuff. There's some more doctor stuff happening, but we're trying to open up paths. Sunny has been managing some phone calls for me. We have lined up potentially several doctor visits, several referrals that might come in handy, things that could potentially help. We have also potentially three avenues for exploring for the arm situation.

But the biggest thing Sunny has brought to the table is optimism. In a way that I can't seem to express or experience myself. Having Sunny in front brings a unique kind of peace and calm. It is something I believe is missing from me as part of the system. Sunny can just make us feel way way calmer. It's huge.

It's been extremely healing for both of us to exist, especially Sunny. They are really amazing. I'm glad to have them and they seem to be glad to have me. We complete each other in a way that, again, brings some kind of peace. My girlfriend called it the ying and yang of my system and yes, that is exactly right.

But I also want to mention that there's a reason why Sunny's existence is private right now. I know it's a silly thing, but there's a specific person from my life online who believes that all of my plurality, especially in 2022, was fake and refuses to believe otherwise. If he found out about Sunny, he would be fuming and I can't face him. And on a less serious note, I want to eventually make emotes for Sunny in the same way that I have emotes. It'd be great Sunny would be happy to use those. I could use them on the blog. It might be nice to make them before I make these posts public.