CW: Venting, irl, mentions of verbal harassment So, let's talk about driving. I live in a pretty tightly packed area. There's just rows and rows and rows of houses in any direction. You've got to go for quite a ways before you get to any stores or businesses. Generally, if you want to go anywhere, you need to be able to drive. Jogging and bicycling can only get you so far. There is no public transport here. You can't just take a tram to work or walk to the grocery store. You have no choice but to drive. Now, this is something that's been being hammered into my head since I was something like 16. I need to learn to drive. Everyone here does. I was pressured from early on during a very bad time in my life to learn to drive, and I just couldn't. I was completely overwhelmed and dropped it. I actually fell deep into physical disability, but that's a story for another time. By the time I could actually walk again, it was back. Mostly from my mom, mind you. And again - I won't be able to get

Hi again! Time for a pretty overdue update. A while back - actually about half a month to a month now - my mom introduced me to this weird stuff. A big tub full of... collagen? Powder? With distilled protein? I didn't trust it, I thought it sounded like snake oil. Well, I asked my friends, and they all said it was trustworthy, so I gave it a shot. After some trouble initially, I've been having it every day, and, wow! I really am getting a bit of a difference now. It may sound like such a minor thing to you, but - I have an eating disorder, and I have a very hard time taking in proteins. So this is actually pretty huge. I'm immediately noticing my wrist healing up and even my breasts getting fuller (HRT win!). I am probably gonna be on this for as long as possible. I guess this is my... first... time? Having significant amounts of protein? Technically? It's so foreign to me right now, but maybe I'll get used to it? Also - Lurasidone. You probably saw that in the title. My previous antip

Oh my gosh!! I'm so excited!! I actually got my first client for my Figura avatar commission service! I was able to work out the initial price estimate with them, use paypal to send my first invoice, had them pay half upfront, and ultimately I ended up acing this thing. I totally mean to brag here - I sped through it, got almost everything done in about 9 hours, made the skin from scratch, set up my scripts, set up physics, got everything nice and clean, and even discovered a few subtle improvements live with my client to make things look neater. It's so much fun!! I ultimately wasn't as stressed as I expected to be. It helps that this is someone I knew, but as I go forward I should totally expect to do this for people I've just met, too. And, granted, I'm not sure how much mileage I'm going to get while I'm still closed up in my cozy little servers and stuff. But, you know, that is just how I like it. Maybe I'll make a subpage on /commissions with a list of previous commissions I've d

Site redesign is incoming! Or, well, it's been underway for about a week now. I haven't been posting here as much as a result. But basically I'm implementing an awful lot. An account system. Settings. Theme customizations with custom css. Fancy URL matches to php. Custom error pages. Markdown support. And most importantly, everyone now gets their own blog! * I had planned to have support for comments, too, but I think that's beyond me right meow. Although post tags are a thing now! Technically. The way it works is all posts are stored in one database, and if you go to eir-nya.gay/user/<username>/posts it fetches all posts by that user. But that's basically the same as them having their own blog. It even loads their custom theme settings. So yay?

Things are getting a bit exciting here! Now that I'm available again after having London over, I'm free to once again work on Crossovertale, play some games (did you know team switched's underswap chapter 2 came out recently?) and some more... The real main thing i wanted to talk about though is Figura. You may know I used it to make a personal character model before (it's on the main page of my site). I've been encouraged to do this several times, but now I'm finally doing it! I'm opening commissions for Figura models! See the page I set up for it! I've never done something like this before, so I'm a bit nervous, but I have faith my skill and confidence will do the talking for me. In terms of responsibility, though, I am also supposed to start attending a driving school to get my practice in for my license. I called, but they haven't called back. I guess it's gonna be a bit of a waiting game. Are they even still in business? Who knows? Either way, working on that and Crossovertale is

So as I'm writing this, London left for home two days ago. Having him over was a blast, honestly one of the best IRL meetups I can say I've ever had. Even though it was just a week, every day felt so lovely, so cozy, so nice... Some highlights include: He brought me some adorable gifts, like a little kitty cat handbag, and a friendship bracelet with a cat and a dog (that's us!) London meeting Jojo, my family's dog (I should probably mention London is a dogboy, this will come up later) Getting to see his CD copies of the Mailpup and Fanservice albums Just lounging around with him all day, honestly we could be doing nothing and I'd still enjoy every second A voice call on discord with us in the same room Going out on walks, especially to the site of a local pond/lake with some benches to cuddle on Speaking of, the cuddles. London is SUCH a big cuddly thing. He's incredibly soft and loved on me so much. Him warming me up with his radiant body heat, me cooling him down with my perpetually

So, I showed my site to my friend, the lovely Ally, today. She found an SQL injection vulnerability and promptly (after she warned me to back up my stuff!!) deleted every post on my blog. Oh my stars. I actually got so scared. Seeing everything disappear like that. And not only that, but me editing stuff live trying to fix the vulnerability but having to learn on the fly. Hhh! Overwhelming!! It's all good now, though. I had to restore from a backup, but all of my posts are here once again. Nothing seems to be lost, the vulnerability was patched, and I learned my lesson. Always use prepare instead of query for SELECT, so you can use bindValue!!

Lua! Lua! Lua lua lua! I haven't touched Lua in ages. But today a friend told me the original Lua in-browser demo was taken down. And indeed, it's just been replaced by links now. So I had a funny idea. What if I made my own? And so I did! It uses sandboxing to remove some unsafe functions and libraries, like require and io, but it works nonetheless. I'm pretty sure it's safe. I screwed with PHP a bit to get it to work. PHP is pretty cool, actually. Okay, full confession. I made this under the silly idea I'd be able to substitute Unitale guides and stuff to link to it instead of the old one. Not that I'm "in" the Unitale community anymore, but still. Hey, either way! At least I was able to complete this little project really quickly, and I had fun doing it.

So I've been on this new medication, rexulti, fooor about two weeks now? I've very sorely needed an antipsychotic to go with my antidepressant. Um. Well, the side effects say you're most likely to feel dizzy and restless. And yeah. That's certainly happening. So I've been taking my meds every day in the aftermewn, and I've noticed that something like 3-4 hours after I take them, that restlessness really starts to kick in. It becomes nearly impossible to focus on anything, and before I know it I'm getting up and moving around and I can't sit still. At that point I might as well go to bed to skip ahead to when I can do stuff, which is what I've been doing, but then, do the meds even affect me after I wake up? Is it all worth it? So far I'd say yes. I've been feeling much calmer and much less terrified that everyone I've ever cared about is plotting something. But, uh, some way to deal with that restlessness would be very appreciated. Right now I'm just planning to take those meds later i

I didn't realize I juuust finished this system in time for New Year's until about an hour before midnight. Huh! 2023 was... honestly it could've gone way better for me. I felt like my boundaries and safe space were being eroded month by month. It was ups and downs, but the downs were really down. I can certainly say it gave me hope that my depression can be properly managed, though. I just need to keep a better eye on my boundaries. Plans for 2024? After London's visit, I'm planning to go to a driving school and finally get my license. Despite missing it so hard in December, I still feel like I was pretty close. Oh, and, I'd like to figure out the best way to take my new meds, cause it can be a bit rough. But yeah, I'm looking forward to this January a bit?