It's our birthday! We just turned 25 years old. That brings with it some impetus to stop and reflect, and I wanted to share said reflections here, to anyone willing to listen to me ramble. This year has for sure been one of the hardest we've ever had to face. Harder than dropping out of high school, harder than hunting for a treatment for my mysterious pain after that, harder than any online relationship I've entered or exited, good or bad, and harder than slaving over a coding project for years and years. I (now we) have had to deal with an awful lot in the last 365 days. At about this time last year, I was comfortably chilling in my personal discord server, enjoying my time with games and such, although crucially I must point out that my wrists had already been failing for quite some time by then, and I would rather cover up the problem with wrist braces. The biggest worry I had to deal with was little online drama things, like inviting someone back there who'd wronged me and mana

You already know what I'm referencing. The news was devastating, greatly distressing, and sickening. Several of my friends had anxious spirals and lost control. I ended up taking a few naps to sleep through the worst of it. It still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't feel like that just happened. I'm in shock, maybe even denial. Honestly, half the reason I've managed to hang on for as long as I have is because I've been suppressing a lot of extremely distressing things. Thoughts about my physical health and the state of my nose, of misophonia, of whether or not I have an undiagnosed personality disorder. Thoughts of relationships, past and present, of who I feel comfortable being around, of if I'm "drifting" from my friends or if I'll eventually leave everyone I meet. And most importantly, thoughts of real life things - panic over not being able to hold any job that requires interacting with people due to my misophonia, over only having 2 years left to figure out my health before I'm

Trans Texans are no longer allowed to change name and gender on an ID and will be added to a list if they try. Why do I even bother. I paid $350 4 months ago just to be repeatedly kept in the dark and given conflicting information on my court order, ending with being completely barred from changing my name and gender altogether. What was the point of this. What the hell.