You already know what I'm referencing. The news was devastating, greatly distressing, and sickening. Several of my friends had anxious spirals and lost control. I ended up taking a few naps to sleep through the worst of it. It still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't feel like that just happened. I'm in shock, maybe even denial. Honestly, half the reason I've managed to hang on for as long as I have is because I've been suppressing a lot of extremely distressing things. Thoughts about my physical health and the state of my nose, of misophonia, of whether or not I have an undiagnosed personality disorder. Thoughts of relationships, past and present, of who I feel comfortable being around, of if I'm "drifting" from my friends or if I'll eventually leave everyone I meet. And most importantly, thoughts of real life things - panic over not being able to hold any job that requires interacting with people due to my misophonia, over only having 2 years left to figure out my health before I'm

Hey, it's been a while. There's kind of been a lot happening. I haven't been able to sit down and write just because I haven't had the energy or drive to. My drive to write in this blog usually comes when something happens, and I guess that's no different today... So a few days ago, on thursday/friday ish of last week, I made a pretty serious (social) decision. It's something that I only decided to do because I already was feeling pretty good and had a decent amount of social battery to spend. The next few days dealing with it were slightly hectic internally. Communication stuff not going through, many concerns, but most of all certain feelings I have just being in the new social situation I created. I didn't realize how badly it was going to weigh on me. It seems like the amount it's been weighing on me has been increasing a bit every day. I didn't realize this was happening. All it took was that and two or three other social things happening at the same time and yesterday I depleted

(CW: Injury, body horror, mentions of surgery, self-injury) 2003 A little kid gets on his tricycle. He's riding around outside. His mom is watching nearby. It seems like a normal day. That is, until the trike hits a snag in the concrete, sending the boy tumbling off the side. His nose smashes clean into the pavement. He's just lying there looking up. The mom rushes over and helps, taking him inside and getting him cleaned up. It hurt a lot, but surely it would be fine. Over the next few weeks, he starts to have trouble breathing through his nose. It hurts more and more every day. At one point he curiously pries open a nostril with two fingers in front of the mirror. There's some kind of gross, fleshy something inside. With no idea what to do, he tells his mom and tries to show her, but it's ultimately fruitless. 2009 The boy's more sapient now, and attending primary school. He hasn't thought about that accident in years. But it's brought back to the front of his mind when other kids ar

tl;dr: My nitter instance is up and running again, better than ever before! So, nitter is a pretty awesome project. It's a frontend for twitter that doesn't require an account, is very lightweight, has simple and customizable themes, no ads or tracking, loads way faster, and doesn't lock NSFW posts behind an account. Mr. Divorced Eel tried as hard as he could to kill off nitter. And unfortunately, he succeeded. The original author of nitter announced it was ceasing development because of all the effort becoming increasingly necessary just to keep the project functioning. I thought that was it, but I noticed PrivacyDevel's instance was still up. I'd seen it before in an issues thread back when NSFW posts were first account-locked. I remembered it used a different method for authentication, and indeed, it still worked. So when I created my own nitter instance, I based it off PrivacyDevel's fork. This worked great for a while... but again, the divorced eel himself saw to it that no fun is

Trans Texans are no longer allowed to change name and gender on an ID and will be added to a list if they try. Why do I even bother. I paid $350 4 months ago just to be repeatedly kept in the dark and given conflicting information on my court order, ending with being completely barred from changing my name and gender altogether. What was the point of this. What the hell.

I just did something really cool! So it's currently 3 AM and I've spent last night and today working on this to cope with a stressful situation I was in. Autistic hyperfixation does wonders in a slump. Anyway, announcing the Eircast! This is something I've setup using Owncast, an open source self-hosted stream service. I can't exactly show you in this post because it's something I give out whenever I use it. Essentially, I can stream from OBS to this Owncast instance, and have it hosted on my site in a secret domain only accessible with a randomized access key. It's different every time I stream. Then, I can give a link to my friends, and they can immediately tune in! Why am I doing this? Because currently, Vesktop isn't able to perform hardware acceleration for streams on Linux if using an NVidia card. This has been a huge detriment for me as I've found out my streams are nigh unwatchable by my friends. There's constant lag, low quality, freezing, and stuttering. Movies are out of the

In my last post, I detailed my struggles with home construction, sensory overload, and the various ways in which I was struggling with my new home life. As it turns out, it wasn't that bad. The thick wall separating my room from my brother's turned out to block most of the keyboard noise. Moving my stuff was a lot less emotionally painful than I anticipated, and they weren't even working that day. In fact, they did my entire room the next day, start to finish, in one sitting, so time wasn't an issue either. A few days later I comfortably moved back to my original, now-empty room, and set up my rig again. But then, you know what happened? A HURRICANE came in. Out of nowhere I started seeing these weather reports for an upcoming hurricane called Beryl. I'd been through hurricanes before - Ike, Harvey. I didn't remember having any real difficulty or loss from them. So I thought nothing of it. In fact, my mom said we were in the outer areas of the storm's reach, so it would barely even tou

Hi! I've had the idea for this post in my head for quite a while, but I'm notably only writing it in the middle of the night right before what's gonna be the most stressful day I've had in possibly years. So, in my previous diary post, I talked about a computer issue I had that took several days and a new SSD to fix. A day before the issue started, construction work began on my home. The kitchen, a bathroom, and the wall to an entire room were completely removed, and remodeling began across the entire house. The process has been... grueling. Having construction workers over almost every day, hearing them bark orders at one another across the house, hearing loud music on their radio amidst the racket of drills, hammers, nails, woodcutters, and whatever else they've brought over... It's been a nightmare. I've had my earplugs in almost every day for weeks now, and I'm fortunate I've been able to spend all this time in my room with the door closed to reduce the noise. Yes, I did say weeks.

I've been hyperfixated on an indie game called Backpack Hero for a few weeks now and it's been carrying me through some lonely nights. From what I've seen, the game doesn't have much attention right now and some fans think the developer's abandoned it. I want to share my experience, played blind in June 2024. It's a simple premise, an inventory management roguelike where you explore randomly generated dungeons filled with enemies, finding loot and placing it in a tile grid in your backpack. Some items take more than one space, but you can rotate items to fit, like a puzzle. Items have different interactions with each other, giving buffs if placed at the bottom or top, or boosting block or damage near items of a certain type. You can buff your items with forges (once unlocked) and make a unique build that you use to go through increasingly challenging levels and boss fights. So, here's what I really enjoyed: The good 1. Atmosphere and charm It might not be everyone's cup of tea but I re

(Yes I stole this awesome title.) So!! You'll never guess what happened a few days ago. The SSD on my main computer started corrupting! It started with one of my partitions suddenly becoming read-only. When I popped up some utilities to check on my disk, they said my partition had an "invalid superblock" and "bad magic number." Naturally, I panicked. Pretty much immediately, I stopped using my main OS for fear of further damage to my stuff, then ordered a new SSD (NVMe!) on Amazon. The wait, spent chilling to youtube on a garuda linux live usb and checking for the package every fifteen minutes, was agonizing. Finally, it got here, I put it in, and with the help of an awesome new friend who offered their help, I started copying my old SSD over to the new one. That's when I noticed: There were errors. Specifically, read-write errors. When I copied my windows partition, there were only 24... sounds pretty standard for windows, honestly. But when I copied my windows-linux shared partition.