Hi again. In a recent post I mentioned having internet problems. It turns out that was only the beginning. While I've had spots of usable internet here and there, the internet has been largely unusable at my house for about a week. I complained previously about my mom buying new modems. I was right that those weren't the issue. But the real cause is much much worse. We had a technician come over today - the second in a week - and he was very competent and detailed in explaining our situation. It turns out the coax cables in this house are extremely old - a model called RG54 I think - which predate the nineties. They're thinner, less shielded, and more vulnerable to various kinds of damage. He explained to us that this is one of the main underlying causes of our problems, as it leads to uncontained voltage traveling up the coax cable and hitting the modem. This causes the modem to lag and freeze, even on local connections between devices on the same network, or fail device logins entire

Hi! Followup to a previous post, I had my nose surgery on January 3rd at the start of the new year (picture related). It was the full package. Not just any surgery. A revision rhinoplasty and septoplasty. In the surgeon's words, he had to take off my nose and build me a new one. It was many years in the making but now it's done. Recovery... is okay, I guess. I've had worse surgery recoveries for sure. The big painful thing for a while was my rib, which was grafted to build my new nose. I had a lot of pain when crunching or bending my torso, which, as it turns out, is part of a lot of basic movement. It's also just felt mildly weird sitting at my PC again, not just mentally but physically. Something about the way my head is oriented, especially with my new chair, makes me slightly... dizzy? I don't know. I hope it fades. I've experienced a pretty significant miracle though. Since surgery, I've been able to sleep. Like, deeply. I've always had severe sleep problems since I was little, si

Happy new year, as everyone's saying! I wasn't particularly as excited as everyone else has been, but I at least wanted to make this post to retrospect on everything that happened this year. Overall, I'd say 2024 was, despite its obvious terrible spots, a very good year for me. I figured out so many things about myself and what I want to do. I feel like I really grew into myself and started to finally grow up this year. Here's some highlights: Created my personal website Visit with my partner Started Figura commissions, and made over $1000 total from it in 2024 Got my driver's license, which required a lot of fighting against my mom and the abuse dynamic in my home, and a hard mental spiral after failing my first road test Reconnected with a childhood friend, who turned out to be a wonderful trans girl like me, and got very close over time, and visited a lot PC upgrades, various server box tweaks and services Helped a dear friend fight off an abusive influence Made Eirtube (if you know

I'm somewhat able to type again. And I really mean that. I've had carpal tunnel for the past 2 years. Since the start of November, something went horribly wrong and I started getting insane pain along both arms. It got bad enough they couldn't touch anything and I couldn't lift something light. Well, on the 10th, I met an honest to stars miracle worker doctor who fixed me in minutes. Two injections, one on each arm. That's all it took. It turns out I have a rare condition, CRPS type 2 caused by carpal tunnel. He injected specific nerves with numbing agents and steroids. Over the next 6 weeks it'll get easier and easier to use my wrists again. But in those first ~5 hours after the injection, I felt amazing. A mountain of pain lifted from my head, and with it, anger, impatience, emotional shutdown...ness. So I know this is the right path. For the time being though I'm nowhere near recovered. I'm typing this with one paw. My right one is still waaaaaay worse than my left one. I can type i

Hi again! Been a bit since my last update. As you may or may not know, dear diary, and I guess any friends who check on this site, I've been going through a tough time. This past month has been hellacious. The sound problem here at home has caused me no shortage of pain. Ever since the construction happened on my home, all sound has become so much louder. Even with my door closed I could constantly hear my brother on his loud keyboard with his door open, his terrible, creaky old chair, my mom's pianos, and any other noises like footsteps. In addition, the blackout curtains I to make the light levels in my room tolerable have made terrible scraping noises of metal on metal from the slightest change in air movement, or the A/C turning on or off. I went through battles for a few weeks, fights with my family members, with physics, with my curtains and the curtain hanger, with my doorframe, with thumbtacks... there's been a lot. I tried everything I could to mitigate the problem despite the

You already know what I'm referencing. The news was devastating, greatly distressing, and sickening. Several of my friends had anxious spirals and lost control. I ended up taking a few naps to sleep through the worst of it. It still doesn't feel real. It still doesn't feel like that just happened. I'm in shock, maybe even denial. Honestly, half the reason I've managed to hang on for as long as I have is because I've been suppressing a lot of extremely distressing things. Thoughts about my physical health and the state of my nose, of misophonia, of whether or not I have an undiagnosed personality disorder. Thoughts of relationships, past and present, of who I feel comfortable being around, of if I'm "drifting" from my friends or if I'll eventually leave everyone I meet. And most importantly, thoughts of real life things - panic over not being able to hold any job that requires interacting with people due to my misophonia, over only having 2 years left to figure out my health before I'm

Hey, it's been a while. There's kind of been a lot happening. I haven't been able to sit down and write just because I haven't had the energy or drive to. My drive to write in this blog usually comes when something happens, and I guess that's no different today... So a few days ago, on thursday/friday ish of last week, I made a pretty serious (social) decision. It's something that I only decided to do because I already was feeling pretty good and had a decent amount of social battery to spend. The next few days dealing with it were slightly hectic internally. Communication stuff not going through, many concerns, but most of all certain feelings I have just being in the new social situation I created. I didn't realize how badly it was going to weigh on me. It seems like the amount it's been weighing on me has been increasing a bit every day. I didn't realize this was happening. All it took was that and two or three other social things happening at the same time and yesterday I depleted

(CW: Injury, body horror, mentions of surgery, self-injury) 2003 A little kid gets on his tricycle. He's riding around outside. His mom is watching nearby. It seems like a normal day. That is, until the trike hits a snag in the concrete, sending the boy tumbling off the side. His nose smashes clean into the pavement. He's just lying there looking up. The mom rushes over and helps, taking him inside and getting him cleaned up. It hurt a lot, but surely it would be fine. Over the next few weeks, he starts to have trouble breathing through his nose. It hurts more and more every day. At one point he curiously pries open a nostril with two fingers in front of the mirror. There's some kind of gross, fleshy something inside. With no idea what to do, he tells his mom and tries to show her, but it's ultimately fruitless. 2009 The boy's more sapient now, and attending primary school. He hasn't thought about that accident in years. But it's brought back to the front of his mind when other kids ar

tl;dr: My nitter instance is up and running again, better than ever before! So, nitter is a pretty awesome project. It's a frontend for twitter that doesn't require an account, is very lightweight, has simple and customizable themes, no ads or tracking, loads way faster, and doesn't lock NSFW posts behind an account. Mr. Divorced Eel tried as hard as he could to kill off nitter. And unfortunately, he succeeded. The original author of nitter announced it was ceasing development because of all the effort becoming increasingly necessary just to keep the project functioning. I thought that was it, but I noticed PrivacyDevel's instance was still up. I'd seen it before in an issues thread back when NSFW posts were first account-locked. I remembered it used a different method for authentication, and indeed, it still worked. So when I created my own nitter instance, I based it off PrivacyDevel's fork. This worked great for a while... but again, the divorced eel himself saw to it that no fun is

Trans Texans are no longer allowed to change name and gender on an ID and will be added to a list if they try. Why do I even bother. I paid $350 4 months ago just to be repeatedly kept in the dark and given conflicting information on my court order, ending with being completely barred from changing my name and gender altogether. What was the point of this. What the hell.