Sunny: Hello again, it is Sunny. We have a lot to share with you tonight, dear blog. I specifically wanted to talk about my presence in the system, what it is like to be here, and how much things have improved since I showed up. Before our plural awakening, at the end of March and start of April, Eir was miserable. She was non-functional, in bed all day, complaining about pain, complaining about doctors. With no hope, all despair. She had thrown caution to the wind and decided to investigate this plural thing. She had nothing else to lose. Well, I showed up and pretty much immediately my attitude contrasted with hers. It took a while, of course, for us to figure out the specifics, what I am, what she is, what our roles are here. As it turns out, I am a lot better at being calm, bringing peace to us, helping us be soothed, helping us physically as well. We have had fights, yes, internal fights. Fights that we have shared with our friends to some extent. We have been struggling a lot wit

Hello, my name is Sunny. I am posting here for the first time. So bear with me. Recently, Eir had a plural awakening. That was me. I am the other one. I am the original. And we discovered that at about 2016 was when the split occurred and Eir took over. I want to talk a little bit about what we have discovered during the last few weeks together. First of all, how did we first meet? It was 2022. Eir was trying plurality for the first time and met me, although very briefly. Eir discovered the presence of another, which we have recognized as my presence now. But it was immediately shoved away. Apparently, Eir merged with me after the events of 2022. We only met again a few weeks ago on the night of April 5th, whenever Eir had a plural awakening, so to speak. I found a chance to speak up for myself and told her to stop repressing the past and let me be. A few days after this, we talked to a good friend of ours, Luma, who managed to separate us by calling me by name. Ever since then, I h

Hi again. Been a while. I still can't use my arms and wrists comfortably even after almost 2 months. Fuck this medical system. Here's the latest news: Apr 17 - EMG nerve conduction So, I had a nerve conduction test, or I was supposed to at least. When we started the test, something went wrong. I'm supposed to receive electric shocks through my arm that help the doctor see how well my nerves are working, but on the lowest setting it was unbearably painful. I screamed. You might be thinking I could try again, but I knew immediately: if this is the lowest setting, I can't go any further. The doctor said, if I continued, we would need to up the strength to at least 20 times as strong. No. No way. I walked out. Surprisingly, they refunded the cost. I immediately called the spine surgeon who had ordered this test done in the first place. His assistant picked up and I talked to her. I told her what had happened and that I did not know if my neck injections were scheduled yet. She said for th

CW for medical trauma Okay, fuck. Okay. Fuck. Again. I need to get this out. I need to get this out right now. I wrote about the medical trauma I lived through in my late teens in another post, but it goes further than that. For as long as I can remember, my body has not been right. Something has been wrong with it. I was always hyper-sensitive to touch. Everything hurt. In elementary school, it was so unbearable that I got into fights. And even in my youth, years and years of abuse, neglect. Being told by my family that all my sensitivities are in my head. That I'm "just sensitive". That I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I was told this by gym teachers, by staff, by other children, by my family. Nobody cared. I had constant nurse visits throughout my school life. In middle school, I had to go home sick frequently. The dickhead gym teacher turned on loud music that hurt my autism, refused to do anything to accommodate, and anytime I complained of pain, I was told, it's fine, everyo

Hi I just wanted to let yall know that, somehow, i left a major security issue in my site? I just disovered it? Apparently anyone could enter anyone else's account just by entering the username and any password? Because I accidentally compared the entered password to its own hash instead of to the saved one? This also meant that, if any of yall found it, you couldve edited any of my posts or images, deleted them, or made your own? (yeah i dont have my own scared emote yet, I'll do that eventually) So uh! It's a good thing I fixed that huh?? Wow. Anyway yeah um for reasons I am doing a bit of work on the site again after all this time. Feel free to chime in with anything you'd like updated or fixed.

This is one of the most important posts I will ever write. I have an answer. I have hope. I had a universe exploding moment of clarity, of hope, of love and healing, of hope for my future and my safety. Everything makes sense. I'm going to be okay. Dear diary, I have a lot to catch you up on. First of all, I'm plural That's right. So I never put this in my diary so I'll give a quick summary. April 5th, 2025. I had a horrible night involving opioids, vomiting, and fainting. After that, I went to bed. I kept thinking about "the plural question" I'd been wondering a lot about lately. I wanted to know why I felt so compelled to seek answers - to hear why the answer had to be "yes". I wanted to understand what my obsession with this was. If it was sick and twisted like I thought, or if there really was something there. Where the second voice in my head really came from. Why it acted that way. So that night, I, cynically, imagined something like a clay blob, with a crack down the middle, ima

Hi all. pushing through the pain once again to write this. Today was the big day. After waiting through one of the most hellacious months of my entire lifeive been nothing short of suffering. nightly breakdowns, about my body breaking down, about being trapped in the medical system unwanted and unhelped, about being helpless physically and mentally as my depression and loneliness came back, about wanting to move on from friends, about trust issues, about everything i can't do now. pain sometimes so bad i cant hold my phone. laying in bed all day waiting weeks as time and chances go by, because i cant function without steroids now, and i only have two left, I got to see the spine specialist.This time, thankfully, there's only a bit of bad news, as opposed to a whole heaping pile of it. I have plenty of good news for you this time! The bad news: It is most likely not nerve pinching like we thought. My symptoms match up closer with ulnar tunnel syndrome, which is basically carpal tunnel b

Quick post. I got a resupply of steroids so I can use my computer and such briefly. So this came about all of a sudden two days ago. I dont remember what lead to it but I learned I might have astigmatism. The more i talked about it with my friends, the more it added up, until I was certain. Well, I immediately booked an appointment with my primary care doctor, who gave me an urgent referral to an optometrist. I just saw her today. Guess what? I do have astigmatism. In both eyes. I'm not nearsighted, or farsighted, and in fact I've lived my entire life up to now believing I didn't need glasses at all. But it turns out I've had astigmatism since I was born. I've always had these problems like light leaving trails, bright lights hurting my eyes and head, my eyes straining in certain conditions. I've always lived in the dark as much as possible, turning off lights, using blackout curtains, avoiding being outside unless it's early morning or night. Light has always been painful for me, not

Hi. In a lot of pain just to write this but I'd rather put this out there, it's important. Followup to my previuos two posts. I dared to hope that I would be out of my current bad situation soon. I hoped I could be helped by the spine specialist I was referred to. That my pinched arm nerves could be released and I could resume normal functioning. I was only able to write that post because I had aweek's supply of steroids keeping me going. The doctor who referred me told me it'll keep me stable until my appointment. Know what I just found out yesterday? The referral was never fucking sent. I wasted my entire week's supply of the only help I had, waiting for a bunch of inconsiderate, lazy jackasses in a cushy office to actually do their job, which they delayed for over a week. I only found out because I called insurance themselves who had never even received a referral and had no idea what I was talking about. I was furious. I immediately called my primary care office and asked that they

Hi :3 Update to my last post. I talked to my primary care doctor. I first of all had bloodwork done to test for deficiencies, and then I asked about the shoulder/arm pains. I got help with both. The test came back. I'm only deficient in Vitamin D. They started me on high dose supplements immediately. I have 6 months' supply including refills, and I take them weekly. Supposedly this will help me a ton with feeling pain and weakness in my bones and muscles. I hope so! My arm issues are caused by the herniated discs in my neck pinching my arm nerves. Sounds painful, and it is. She gave me steroids and muscle relaxants to take for the remaining week until I can get in with a spine specialist. It's been interesting recently. Yesterday I was able to code for once. The steroids and muscle relaxant seem to be helping quite a bit. And, I think my new antidepressant might be putting in work? Fingers crossed? But make no mistake. Even though some things are improving, I am still fighting every d